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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/23256712">She loves me, she loves me not</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/thesupremegrinch/pseuds/thesupremegrinch'>thesupremegrinch</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>American Horror Story: Apocalypse, American Horror Story: Coven</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Angst, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/F, Fingerfucking, Friends With Benefits, Oral Sex, Smut</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-03-22</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-04-30</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-18 03:06:59</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Explicit</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>3</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>7,861</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/23256712</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/thesupremegrinch/pseuds/thesupremegrinch</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Cordelia and Misty have expanded their relationship to more than just friends. Sex was been brought into the equation and things start to get complicated, especially for Cordelia.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Misty Day/Cordelia Foxx | Cordelia Goode</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>15</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>81</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. A heartache so bad, can my soul ever be soothed?</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Cordelia was on top of her riding her fingers like she couldn’t get enough. Which, she couldn’t. Her breath came out in ragged moans as she stared down at the angel laying under her. Beautiful pale skin, wavy blonde hair, and Cordelia’s favorite part... those piercing blue eyes. Her hips got harsher, snapping down on Misty’s fingers with every quick thrust. </p><p>Cordelia had rarely ever had a vaginal orgasm, but she could feel one coming. With her back arching, chest pushing out, and moans turning into cries, pleasure exploded inside her as she clamped down on those long slender fingers. Over and over. Each tight clamp of her muscles had her crying with sheer ecstasy. With the last she stilled herself on those fingers and gasped out, “I l-love you.” It wasn’t from the rush of pleasure. She felt it with every fiber of her soul. With every inch of her body. With every grain of her heart. </p><p>The sudden sharing of emotion caused Misty’s body to tense. Cordelia had felt her freeze and saw the look in her eyes grow distant. She felt her heart shatter in her chest before it fell to her stomach. She swallowed the freshly introduced lump in her throat and climbed off Misty, settling to sit by her side. </p><p>She bent her legs in front of her and wrapped an arm around them. It was an attempt to guard herself and try to take back some of the vulnerability. Misty stirred at her side, sitting up. She couldn’t look at her as she softly said, “You’re a great person. I thought we were just having fun.” </p><p>Ouch. That hurt. Cordelia’s whole body went numb as she felt tears welling up in her eyes. She wouldn’t let herself cry. She remained silent staring at the wall straight ahead not sparing Misty a glance. Feeling Misty shifting again, she could see out of the corner of her eye that she had stood up. “I’m going to head back to my room.” Cordelia waited until she was dressed and closed the door behind her as she left before she laid down on her side and let the tears escape.</p><p>
  <em>Why doesn’t anybody love me like I love them?</em>
</p><p>--</p><p>Misty felt bad about the situation but what could she do? She’d been fucking Cordelia for over two weeks. After years of flirting, both before and after Misty had been to Hell, it had all been set into motion by Cordelia.</p><p>They’d been sitting side by side at a table in the greenhouse. Misty had been tending to a plant while Cordelia gave her directions on how to appropriately treat it. It had started without kissing. It’d been longing looks shared between the two and sexual tension that was so thick anyone could’ve picked up on it if they’d been present.</p><p>The two of them had already been in close proximity and then Cordelia shifted even closer. Her hand easily found its way to Misty’s thigh. When it started sliding up going under her skirt, Misty automatically let her legs ease apart. Too wound up and wet, she didn’t look at Cordelia, she stayed focused on the plant in front of her. She simply asked, “What are you doing?”</p><p>Cordelia’s hand slid under her panties, breaking the barrier of the thin material. She felt Cordelia’s breath on her neck, “I’m taking what I want and making you feel good in the process.”</p><p>Cordelia worked her over good and gave her all she could handle. Fingers were everywhere. On her clit and thoroughly working inside of her. Cordelia didn’t stop until she came hard. Then, the fingers disappeared, and they didn’t talk about what that had meant. It hadn’t exactly been romantic or intimate. They hadn’t touched each other except for the work Cordelia’s fingers had done. They hadn’t even kissed.</p><p>--</p><p>There were numerous times after that where one of them would slip their fingers inside the other during the most random times. Once was when Cordelia had been doing paperwork in her office. She’d been behind her desk and when Misty walked in to bring her some lunch, she just looked so cute Misty couldn’t resist.</p><p>Misty pulled up a chair beside her. Setting the sandwich on the desk, Misty said, “You need to eat and relax. You’re working too hard. Take a break.” She had looked at all of the unfinished paperwork reluctantly. Then, she looked up into those blue eyes with a small smile, “You’re right.”</p><p>Misty kept her company while she ate, talking to her and making her laugh as much as possible. When she finished and threw the paper plate in the trash, Misty took her chance. Instead of going up her skirt, Misty went down it.</p><p>Misty had certainly escalated this normal interaction quickly. She had looked at Misty almost startled. That all went away when she saw how dark those blue eyes had gotten. She let out a gasp when fingers prodded at her clit and she started becoming wet. It was her turn to ask. “What are you doing?” she asked with a hint of a smirk like she didn’t already know.</p><p>“Returning the favor.”</p><p>The encounter was similar to what she had done to Misty. Her insides were heavily stimulated before fingers settled on working her clit over. It had ended with her squirming in her seat, trying to get closer to those fingers. She practically purred out her release as her hips bucked.</p><p>--</p><p>The encounter after that was when they shared their first kiss and the first time their hands roamed to other parts of their bodies… mainly breasts and ass. Cordelia was the first to initiate a kiss while Misty was the one to first grope her breasts and ass.</p><p>It was Misty fucking her up against a wall in one of the dark corners of the academy. The fingers had snuck up her skirt this time. Misty’s hand cupped a breast while her fingers were busy thrusting hard inside Cordelia. It was harder than before. It was a good pounding. Cordelia seemed to be loving every second of it. That’s when she pulled Misty in for a kiss. Misty reciprocated as her hand fell from Cordelia’s breast to grope her ass.</p><p>--</p><p>The next time was Cordelia’s turn to finger her. Which she did… while they sat together at the table in the kitchen. After she came, Misty had decided she had enough of this little game. She pulled Cordelia’s face close, “That’s it. Let me eat you and see you.”</p><p>Cordelia nodded with dark eyes and Misty took her back to her bedroom. She laid on top of Cordelia and got her naked. She kissed at her body all over. Her lips were descending down Cordelia’s stomach when she was pulled back up, “I want to see you too.”</p><p>She undressed with soft hands helping her get rid of the material. Easing two soft thighs apart, her lips left a trail of kisses up a thigh getting closer to what she really wanted. She heard Cordelia gasp out, “I love being here with you like this.” Maybe that should’ve tipped her off that Cordelia was wanting more. She did know that she wanted more, but at the time she thought it was just sexual.</p><p>She hummed her agreement against Cordelia’s inner thigh then her lips found purchase on her clit. She licked and sucked how she would want it herself and it was working really well for Cordelia. It was soft yet firm. Not too rough. Not too gentle either. Her tongue swirled around in circles that had Cordelia tightening up and quivering.</p><p>To Cordelia it felt… loving.</p><p>--</p><p>The last encounter Misty had been satiated with what Cordelia had done to her in the kitchen. So, it wasn’t until the encounter after that where Cordelia ate her out. It left her head reeling and heart pounding at how tender Cordelia’s mouth had been. Not to mention how Cordelia had gotten naked for her so she had something arousing to look at and touch before getting her pussy absolutely worshipped. It was quite possibly the best orgasm she’d had in her life.</p><p>She repaid Cordelia with a good fingering, getting her off before rubbing her pussy into Cordelia’s and causing them both to cum again.</p><p>“This was amazing,” Cordelia said.</p><p>“Your body feels so good,” had been Misty’s reply.</p><p>--</p><p>The remaining encounters they had consisted of both of them giving and receiving. Completely giving themselves to each other. Cordelia had felt the intimacy between them building, evident by how different the sex was now compared to the first couple of times where their fingers had wound up somewhere they didn’t necessarily belong but were invited.</p><p>To Cordelia, now they felt like they belonged.</p><p>--</p><p>After Cordelia’s confession of love, Misty had backed off for a few days. Giving herself and Cordelia time to process. <em>Does she really love me? How’d I miss that?</em></p><p>She found Cordelia in the greenhouse, where she expected to find her after she wasn’t in her office. Misty had walked in with every intention not to get handsy and to keep it platonic, but when Cordelia turned to face her it was a different story. She was just so pretty and hot.</p><p>She didn’t want to hurt Cordelia more because she could tell she’d been hurt when Misty didn’t tell her she loved her back. Cordelia attempted a smile, but it ended up looking a little sad, “Hey, Misty.”</p><p>“Hey…” she replied gently. They went on to work on some of the plants together without talking about what happened. Misty wanted not to, but she was drawn to her. Cordelia was just so damn beautiful. She ended up pressing her up against the worktable and kissing her passionately.</p><p>Cordelia melted into her immediately and it felt so damn good for Misty to have her back in her arms again. The kissing went on and Misty started to get a little grabby. Grabbing Cordelia’s breasts, her waist, her ass, anywhere she could get ahold of really.</p><p>She pulled away from Cordelia’s lips, “Is… are you going to be okay with this?” Cordelia’s hands softly tangled in her hair, her breath was heavy, “I want you.” Misty reconnected their lips and her hands slipped up Cordelia’s blouse and inside her bra. Cordelia’s body was reacting to her so much already, her nipples were rock hard.</p><p>Cordelia moaned into her mouth and Misty pulled away, suddenly aware of their surroundings. She wanted Cordelia in her bed, “Let’s go to my room.” When they got in the room, Misty pushed her down on the bed and climbed on to top of her. They slowly undressed each other.</p><p>They were completely naked making out and this time Misty could feel it… She could feel how much Cordelia loved her through the way she was kissing her. Misty panicked internally for a moment and it made her feel bad. She shouldn’t have brought her here. It was too late to stop now.</p><p>She pulled away from Cordelia’s mouth. She couldn’t take the kissing anymore. She kissed down to Cordelia’s chest, swirling her tongue around each nipple before continuing her way downward. She parted Cordelia’s legs with a knee and got between them.</p><p>Parting Cordelia’s pussy with her tongue, she gave her the only kind of affection she was comfortable with. She licked and sucked until she had Cordelia cumming hard with a moan of, “Misty!”</p><p>She sat up on her knees, wiping her mouth with the back of her hand. Cordelia gently pulled her to lay down beside her and put her talented mouth to use. Misty forgot about all of that other stuff, having sex with Cordelia was too good to stop. She grinded into Cordelia’s face with a hand tight in her perfect blonde hair as she rode out her intense orgasm.</p><p>--</p><p>A few days passed. Misty kept her distance from Cordelia except from when she was feeling frisky. She’d groped Cordelia here and there, but they hadn’t had sex anymore. Cordelia came to her this time. With a seductive smile she’d grabbed Misty’s hand, “Follow me.”</p><p>She led Misty to her bedroom. They ended up making out on her bed with her laying on top of Misty. They were still fully clothed, so things hadn’t gotten too crazy yet. The kissing was soft and intimate. A soft gasp escaped Cordelia. She loved the way Misty’s body felt under her. She loved the kisses and she loved <em>her</em>.</p><p>As she thought about it her heart stopped in her chest. Her lips froze. Even when Misty gave her another kiss, they remained frozen. She pulled away and sat up, “I can’t do this anymore.” She looked into blue eyes once more, seeing them filled with lust and nothing else, before turning and sitting on the edge of the bed.</p><p>Misty didn’t return her love and she couldn’t keep doing this to herself. It was torture. She started crying no matter how badly she didn’t want to as she thought back to how she told Misty she loved her and how Misty had stiffened and reacted.</p><p>Misty sat up and crawled over to sit beside her. Entirely too slow if you were to ask Cordelia. Misty pushed Cordelia’s hair back, seeing her face, “You’re crying,” she softly acknowledged. Without looking at her, Cordelia replied, “Yeah, it hurts so much. It hurts so much to know you don’t love me.”</p><p>She looked at Misty and now Misty could see how deeply hurt she was. She did feel bad for her, but she couldn’t make herself feel something that wasn’t there. “We don’t have to do this if it makes you upset. We can stop.”</p><p>Cordelia felt her heart breaking even more. She’d secretly been hoping that Misty realized she did love her, and she’d finally hear the words, ‘I love you too.’ <em>What will I be without Misty? </em>She asked herself the question. She couldn’t have all of her. She didn’t know if she could survive with having none of her. At the same time, what they were doing now, her only having a part of Misty, was too painful. She’d have to figure out the answer to the question.</p><p>She found her voice, “If you don’t love me, leave. Walk out of that door and we’ll never come back to this. There will be no kissing, no touching, nothing of the sort. Strictly friends and that’s it. No going back. This isn’t how I want us to be. I can’t have us be like this.”</p><p>Misty gave her a sad look before standing up. She replied with a soft, “Ok.” Cordelia’s heart broke more than she ever thought possible as she watched her walk out of that room and close the door behind her with a sturdy <em>THUD</em>. Suddenly she felt more alone than she’d ever felt in her entire life. She laid down, put her face in the pillow, and cried.</p><p> </p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. Just A Notch In Your Belt</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>When Misty moves on to someone else, Cordelia tries to do the same.</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>“What’s going on with you and Misty?”</p><p>Zoe was the one to ask. It’d been four days since everything went down. Cordelia wanted to keep it concealed but it was obvious to the others that something must have happened. Her and Misty just couldn’t act normal around each other. Cordelia decided to go ahead and let her in. She finished with, “She doesn’t love me back. She doesn’t want all of me. She wants my body.”</p><p>Zoe had looked at her like that was the least thing she had expected. Her surprised caused her to say, “You have been fingering each other all over this academy and hooking up? Oh my God!” Cordelia’s eyebrows knitted together for what she was sure was a pain expression. It caused Zoe to snap out of it with a shake of her head, “I’m sorry. That has to hurt.” She pulled Cordelia into a hug, “Want to talk about it?”</p><p>The two of them spent the next few minutes together with Cordelia telling her how heartbroken the whole situation made her feel.</p><p>--</p><p>Zoe had told the others: Queenie, Madison, Coco, and Mallory. Cordelia had let her know it would be ok to tell them because she knew if Zoe didn’t fill them in, sooner or later they would start asking her questions. They were all just as caught off guard by the news as Zoe had been.</p><p>They had brought Misty into the room to ask her side, Queenie had been the one sent to get her. When Misty walked in with her, she could tell something was up and she was pretty sure she knew what this was about. “She told you?” she addressed the question to the whole room.</p><p>They nodded and Queenie shut the door so none of the younger witches could hear. It didn’t take much encouragement for Misty to start talking. She briefly recounted to them how intimate she’d been with Cordelia, which they already knew but she told them anyway. “I feel bad about it. I thought we were just messing around. I didn’t know she cared for me that deeply. I should’ve taken a step back after she said she loves me. I can’t make myself love her.”</p><p>For clarification Mallory asked, “You don’t love her, and you kept messing with her after she said she loves you?”</p><p>It was asked in a calm manner, but it made Misty look down at the ground because of how bad it made her feel. She looked back up and shrugged, “She feels good and it was fun. We only had sex once after that. She said she would be ok with it. Then, it got too much for her. I don’t want to hurt her, but I don’t know what to do besides leave her alone.”</p><p>--</p><p>Coco, Mallory, and Zoe showed up to Cordelia’s bedroom already dressed to go out clubbing. They tried to talk her into going with them. Coco said, “Come on, Cords, it’s not good for you to stay here moping around. Put on a hot dress and come out with us. It’ll be fun.”</p><p>“Madison and Queenie want you to come too,” Mallory chimed in.</p><p>Cordelia was looking up at them from were she sat on her bed, “But she’ll be there.”</p><p>Zoe gave her a sympathetic look, “You two can stay far away from each other once we get there. We all think it will be good for you to go out and just enjoy life. We want you to come.”</p><p>Cordelia felt her expression turn sad, “It’s only been three weeks.”</p><p>Coco walked over to her. Knowing she needed a push, she pulled her up from the bed by her hand, “Don’t do that. Go to your closet and put on a hot dress, you have the body for it. I’m not taking no for an answer, you’re coming.”</p><p>--</p><p>Cordelia had settled on a short, tight black dress. It was sexy without being too revealing. They had all piled into the limo they had rented for the occasion. Cordelia caught Misty give her a quick look like she was surprised she was coming with them before she climbed into the limo. Cordelia let out a breath after Misty had climbed in.</p><p>She felt a nudge on her back from Coco, “You look hot. Don’t pay her any attention. Sit on the opposite end of the limo.” That was what she did. She stayed far away from her and did her best to ignore her presence.</p><p>The ride had been awkward, and Cordelia needed a drink as soon as they arrived. One drink turned into two or three drinks with Madison and Queenie. Cordelia knew her limit and stopped after that while Madison took another with a giggle.</p><p>“Let’s go dance,” Madison had said. Even tipsy, Cordelia felt reluctant. So, Madison grabbed her hand and pulled her along with herself and Queenie to the dance floor.</p><p>Cordelia attempted to stay in her safe zone with, “Madison, please. I don’t feel like it.”</p><p>The younger witch got close to her ear and said, “Come on, you can totally get laid in that dress.”</p><p>That wasn’t what Cordelia wanted at all. She knew there was no arguing with Madison, so she went along and decided to let loose and dance with them. It really did get her mind off everything and it was fun… for a while. Then, she noticed Misty across the club dancing and getting handsy with some woman. She stopped dancing.</p><p>“Why’d you stop?” Queenie asked in an alcohol induced voice. Both, her and Madison, turned their heads to look in the same direction as Cordelia. Both of their faces dropped, “Oh.”</p><p>They both looked back at Cordelia. Madison wrapped her hands around her waist, “Ignore her. That woman looks like a complete skank.” Madison encouraged Cordelia to sway her hips back and forth with hers. “We can have everyone in here drooling over you.”</p><p>Cordelia wrapped her arms around her neck and danced with her, following Madison’s lead when she made it sexier. They got a few whistles from men who were nearby. Madison raised her brows at her in a ‘told you so’ way. Cordelia tried to enjoy it, but her eyes kept getting drawn to Misty. She finally leaned in next to Madison’s ear so she could hear her and said, “I don’t want that. I’m just not feeling it tonight.”</p><p>Cordelia heard one of the men yell, “Please makeout!” When she pulled back, Madison gave her a nod and let go of her. She spotted Zoe, Coco, and Mallory over by the wall drinking and laughing. She made her way over to them.</p><p>Not too long after, everyone seemed to get bored of the environment and Cordelia was sure she was putting a damper on their night. They all gathered together and decided to leave. “Where the fuck is Misty?” Queenie asked. They all glanced around. Madison saw her, “She’s still with that skank. I’ll go tell her ass we’re leaving with or without her.”</p><p>They all went outside while Madison went over to get her. When Madison came out, she had a harsh look on her face. Seconds later, Cordelia knew why. She felt her heart freeze over, there Misty came with <em>her</em>.</p><p>The limo ride back was even more awkward, only now it was painful for Cordelia. Her stomach was in knots and she fought herself not to let her eyes well up with tears. She could hear Misty and the woman talking and laughing. She didn’t dare look in their direction. <em>How can she do this right in front of me? </em>The tears started to well up when she answered herself with her next thought, <em>because I was just a sex partner for her. </em></p><p>She fiddled with the hem of her dress. Coco scooted closer and nudged her arm with a whisper of, “You ok?” Cordelia looked up at her. Coco saw the tears in her eyes and mouthed, ‘Don’t.’ She sucked it up because she didn’t want to cry in front of Misty or her soon-to-be hookup. Coco started a conversation with her about something completely randomly to keep her mind occupied.</p><p>The whispers between Zoe and Madison didn’t go unnoticed by her. They both had looks of distaste on their faces.</p><p>--</p><p>Going through the front door of the academy, Misty was the first one in. She was pulling to the woman’s hand to get her to follow and said, “I want to show you my room.” It was so fucking obvious that they were going up there to have sex that Cordelia felt her jaw clench. She stopped with the others to watch them run up the stairs.</p><p>As soon as they were out of sight, Cordelia let the tears and sobs free. “Cordelia,” Zoe said in a soft voice and grabbed at her wrist only for her to pull away and start up the stairs to her own room. She hurried to it and closed the door behind her even though she knew the other witches were mere steps behind her.</p><p>She collapsed on her bed to cry it out. Her door came open and Zoe was the first in, followed by the rest. She tried to swallow her sobs. She wanted to be alone and in their company at the same time. Zoe crawled onto the bed beside her and pulled her head to rest on her shoulder as she wrapped her arm around her for comfort. Zoe hugged her close as she whispered words of encouragement.</p><p>They gave her time to get it out of her system. They all hated to see her like this. Madison sat down on the bed and paused for a second. She wanted to keep her reputation as a hard, cold, party girl. At the same time, she knew Cordelia needed to hear something real. Zoe was doing her best, but Madison knew it would be more unexpected and maybe more believable if it came from her.   `</p><p>Madison waited until Cordelia looked at her and said, “I’m going to tell you this and none of you bitches better acknowledge it once we leave this room. You are a beautiful woman. You know the whole glowing radiant health beauty thing? It makes you hot. Even before you were Supreme you were beautiful. Gouged out eyes and all. Your lack of self-esteem kept you tied down to your bitch mom and asshole husband. Every time we’re out I see men and women turn their head to get a second look when you walk by. You can find somebody else. You just have to put yourself out there.”</p><p>Mallory sat down by Cordelia, facing her. She wiped her tears away with her thumbs before running them through her hair. “You love her. You can love someone else too.”</p><p>--</p><p>The next morning, Cordelia just so happened to see that woman walk out of Misty’s room with Misty stepping out of the room behind her. She heard Misty ask, “Are you coming back next weekend?” and it pierced her heart like a sharp knife. Cordelia wanted so badly to ignore them. She couldn’t, she stopped in her tracks as the woman answered with a quick, “Yes.”</p><p>The woman noticed her before Misty did. She gave a quick, “Hello,” which Cordelia didn’t return, then she hurried down the stairs and out of the academy. There Cordelia stood face to face with Misty, who looked at her like it shouldn’t be a big deal.</p><p>It hurt and pissed her off. She finally asked, “How could you do that?” It was clear that after Misty wasn’t getting it from her anymore it was no problem for her to go about her way and get it from someone else.</p><p>Misty shrugged and said, “My life doesn’t revolve around you. What am I supposed to do, be alone forever?”</p><p>Cordelia’s stomach went into knots and she replied with a clipped, “Whatever, I’m going grocery shopping.”</p><p>--</p><p>She felt her heart pounding in her chest the whole twenty minutes it took her to drive to the grocery store. She went in and started filling her shopping cart with the items that the girls had wanted. Shopping for all the witches was stressful. At least today it was taking her mind off everything else.</p><p>She was looking though the canned soups for the kind one of the younger girls wanted when she noticed a burly man with a buzz cut checking her out. She didn’t think much of it as she went back to what she was doing. What Madison and Mallory had said to her went through her mind. <em>They’re right. </em>What Misty had said right before this only made what they said sound more sensible.</p><p>She needed to get over Misty and finding someone else seemed like the best way to do that. She looked over at him and gave him a small smile. It was invitation enough. He was over to her in seconds. “Hey, I’m Jason.”</p><p>She looked up into his eyes. <em>Brown. Not Blue. Good. </em>“Cordelia.” She smiled and was nice as he proceeded to flirt with her. He looked nothing like anyone she’d ever dated. He was bigger and sturdy, but he was solid. Toned not flabby. She had never been hugely concerned about stuff like that. She found him attractive.</p><p>She flirted back and when he asked for her number, she gave it to him.</p><p>--</p><p>She went out with him two different times that week. He was nice and funny. She did like him. It still didn’t take her mind off Misty. Misty had moved on, so she tried to do the same. Jason was charming enough, and on their third date she brought him back to the academy.</p><p>She took him to her room. He sat down on the bed and pulled her down to straddle his lap with a light, “Get down here.” Cordelia’s lips met his. They made out as he unzipped the back of her dress. After he eased it off her shoulders and down her torso, his hand slipped underneath the bottom of it. Her panties were pushed aside, and his fingers filled her up.</p><p>Shortly after, she ended up naked on the bed with him on top of her. Stimulating him with her hand, she felt how ready for her he was. She pulled him closer and he pushed inside her. It wasn’t great at first, it wasn’t even good. He was being too rough, thrusting too fast. She decided not to leave it like this and to teach him how to please her. “Drag it out slow and push it back in.”</p><p>It got better after that. When she changed the angle of her own hips, the way he hit inside her felt so good she couldn’t contain the moan that left her lips. He hit it again and again, dragging a moan out of her full lips each time. “Is that the secret spot?” he asked.</p><p>“It’s the spot.”</p><p>Her moans and gasps revealed how intense the feeling was. She was about to have a vaginal orgasm, it was unmistakable. Jason picked up on it, between grunts he asked, “Can I fuck you how I want after this?”</p><p>Cordelia nodded. She came and he jackhammered her until he finished.</p><p>--</p><p>Nothing stopped Cordelia’s thoughts from going to Misty. Having sex with Jason didn’t magically help Cordelia get over her. Thinking of Misty with that other woman still made her sick to her stomach. It made her skin crawl and she hated how upset it made her. Physically seeing Misty made it harder. So, when Jason called and asked her out again, she agreed.</p><p>They went out to dinner. Jason took her back to his place where they settled on his couch. They talked a little, then his mouth was on hers as his hand crawled up her thigh. Cordelia pulled out of the kiss only for his mouth to go to her neck and suck hard. His hand edged higher, she grabbed it and pushed it away. She felt angry, feeling entirely like he was using her for sex too.</p><p>The hand she’d just pushed away came back to grab her waist and pull her closer. His teeth raked along her skin and that’s when she said, “Get off me!”</p><p>He pulled away from her with an apology and an, “I like you.”</p><p>“You like parts of me.”</p><p>“That’s not true.” His hand found its way back to rub her thigh as he leaned close to her ear. “Can’t I like you and want to have sex?”</p><p>He did seem genuine and Cordelia didn’t want to let past experiences affect how she treated him. They ended up in his bedroom where he gave it too her doggy style before finishing her off with oral.</p><p>The whole thing was great for Cordelia. It did feel amazing, but she knew her heart wasn’t in it. When he cuddled her after, his body felt hard and it made her miss how soft Misty’s felt. She longed to feel her again. More than that, she wanted to be with her. She just wished the feelings were reciprocated.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0003"><h2>3. Self-Reflection & Following Your Heart</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Misty re-evaluates her relationship with Cordelia &amp; her feelings come to a head.</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>This was the third time Misty had invited Amanda to come to the academy. Misty was seriously questioning why she’d invited her back. Amanda was naked and Misty was on top of her with her fingers inside her. Having sex with Amanda wasn’t as fun as she hoped it would be. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>She didn’t feel like Cordelia. Her skin wasn’t as soft. Her hands weren’t as gentle. Her pussy didn’t squeeze around her fingers the way Cordelia’s had… the way she was used to and liked. Her lips weren’t as plump. Her kisses didn’t make her crave more. She couldn’t get lost in her eyes like she had Cordelia’s. Her body didn’t react to her touch like Cordelia’s. Her fingers and tongue weren’t as talented. Her moans didn’t drive her crazy like Cordelia’s. She was much more demanding than Cordelia and Misty didn’t like that. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Misty was literally comparing Amanda to Cordelia while they were having sex. That’s how not into it she was. There was more to it than Amanda simply not being as pretty as Cordelia. Misty realized the two couldn’t be compared. She wanted Cordelia. She missed her. She missed the sex, but she also missed <em>Cordelia</em>.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She’d lost her best friend all because she fucked her repeatedly without emotion. She’d always liked Cordelia. Cordelia had been the one that welcomed her into the academy and taken her under her wing. Cordelia had always been the kindest to her of the witches by a long shot. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Cordelia had taught her a lot and helped her through some tough times. Cordelia had also been the one to help her out when she’d first come back from Hell and was so lost she didn’t know what to do with herself. Cordelia had always been there for her, willing and ready to do whatever she could to make Misty’s life easier and to make her happy.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Why the fuck did you stop?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Misty hadn’t realized her fingers had come to a halt inside Amada until she heard the question. It pissed her off a little bit. Cordelia never talked to her like that. She pulled her fingers out, “You need to go.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>She stood up and Amanda sat up, “You’re really not going to get me off before I leave?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Misty picked Amanda’s clothes up from the floor and threw them onto her lap, “Get dressed and leave. You’re not for me.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Amanda stood and as she was getting dressed, she asked, “Is this because of that blonde bitch you used to fuck? Thought you didn’t want her.” Amanda had picked up on the tension between her and Cordelia when she was leaving the academy after the first night she’d spent with Misty. When Misty had been questioned about it, she told her about what happened. Now, she regretted telling her.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Talk about being pissed, “She’s not a bitch! She was never rude to me like you are. Get the fuck out and don’t come back.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>When Amanda slipped her shoes on and stormed out of the room. Misty walked around and sat down on the edge of her bed, getting lost in her thoughts about Cordelia.</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Shit…I love her. I ruined it because I was too dumb to figure it out while I had her. </span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>She snapped out of her thoughts and she saw red when she heard Amanda’s voice in the hallway saying, “Congrats slut, she broke up with me because of you. Has she been fucking you on the side this whole time?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Misty jumped up and rushed into the hallway. Cordelia was looking at Amanda like she wasn’t about to put up with any of her shit. Cordelia’s voice was razor sharp when she asked, “What?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Misty went over to them and got between them. Her eyes cut into Amanda’s, her voice harsh, “Leave her alone. She didn’t do anything. Get your ass out of here, now!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Amanda gave them both a sneer before leaving. Misty let out a breath and muttered, “Finally. She’s fucking psycho.” She turned and shared an awkward glance with Cordelia before Cordelia went down the hall and into her room. Misty picked up on the fact that Cordelia seemed upset. She wasn’t sure if it was because of what just happened or something else, so she didn’t follow.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>--</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Cordelia had gone to the park with Jason earlier. He’d set up a picnic. They’d enjoyed that before strolling around the park hand-in-hand. The whole thing had been really sweet. It was the kind of thing she craved to experience with another person. She didn’t need anything fancy which is what she assumed most people thought when looking at her. She needed someone to put their time and energy into her, she needed their affection and love. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>He was treating her how she wanted but he wasn’t the person she wanted. It made her have a sinking feeling in her stomach the whole time. She couldn’t be with him and she needed to end it before he got attached to her. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>When they walked over to sit on one of the benches, she decided to go ahead and do it. She turned to face him, “You’re a really great guy.” She saw his expression fall. He knew what was coming. “This date was really sweet, and I enjoyed it. My heart’s just not in this. You’ll be great for another woman, that woman’s just not me. We need to go our separate ways.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She tried to let him down easy, but she could tell by his face that he took it hard. It upset her to know that she’d done that. It made the whole thing more awkward when he had to drive her back to the academy. She already felt bad and then she walked into that whole shit with the woman Misty had been seeing. All that did was make her feel worse even though she had no idea what the woman had been talking about. She had already accepted the fact that Misty didn’t want her.</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Yeah right, like she would break up with you for me. </span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>--</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Misty spent the rest of the day and that night processing her feelings. She’d stayed in her room the whole time except to eat because she wanted time to make sure her feelings were true. She didn’t want to chance seeing Cordelia because she didn’t want it to skew her feelings. The last thing she wanted was to see how pretty Cordelia looked and confuse lust for love. Cordelia deserved way more than that and Misty wasn’t about to hurt her like that. She’d already hurt her enough.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The more Misty thought about her the more she missed having her in her arms. She missed holding her. She missed talking and laughing with her. She missed having morning coffee with Cordelia and how Cordelia’s nose would crinkle when the coffee was hotter than expected. She missed her smile and the sound of her laugh. She missed working with her in the greenhouse. She missed having lunch with Cordelia in her office when she had to talk her into taking a break. She missed being around her, being <em>with her</em>. </span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Holy shit, I love her.</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>--</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The next morning, Misty let her newly recognized feelings slip to the others: Zoe, Madison, Queenie, Coco, and Mallory. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Are you sure?” Coco asked. She, along with the others, had been very annoyed with Misty for bringing some woman back to the academy right in front of Cordelia and then having sex with her. Coco wanted to protect Cordelia, she continued, “Because you made it pretty frigging clear you don’t love her. You told us <em>and her</em> that you didn’t want her and that all you wanted was to fuck her. And you had sex with that gross skank from the club.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Misty looked at her with wide eyes. Of course, they were pissed at her. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Madison added her own bitchy comment, “You want her now? Too bad, she’s taken.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Misty felt like she definitely lost her chance with Cordelia now, “What?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Zoe calmly replied, “She has been dating this guy, Jason.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Damn,” Misty mumbled.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>--</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She still had to try. She went and found Cordelia in her office. She slowly, hesitantly, walked in. She noticed Cordelia’s lips twitch ever so slightly. Misty hated how uncomfortable Cordelia was around her. “Do you have a sec? I want to talk to you?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Sure.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Misty shut the door and walked closer. She looked down at Cordelia, who was still sitting in her chair, trying to figure out how to say it. Cordelia’s eyes were watching her, and she looked so beautiful. Misty felt her heart flutter, there was no doubt that she loved Cordelia. “It’s probably too little too late. You probably want nothing more than for me to leave you alone, but I have to let you know something.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>She paused and Cordelia was quiet to let her finish. She didn’t know how she’d react. Misty built up the nerve to say, “I love you.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Cordelia’s lips parted from how off-guard Misty had caught her. “You what?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Misty walked over to her and carefully pulled her up into a standing position by the hand. Misty stared into her eyes in hopes that Cordelia could feel how true it was. “I love you. I finally realized that. I love everything about you. I love being with you. I miss you. I want to be with you. I was stupid not to see it before.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You’re not stupid.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Misty thought the comment was sweet. She pulled Cordelia into a passionate kiss. She hoped the kiss would help Cordelia believe her. There was a brief moment where Cordelia froze, but then her arms were around Misty and she was kissing her back. Cordelia breathed hard into the kiss from how starved she was for Misty’s affection.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Misty’s hand went up to squeeze her breast. It felt so good to have her hands on Cordelia again. She pulled out of the kiss, “I want you.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Cordelia’s eyes were dark as she breathlessly replied, “I want you too.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>They made out as they walked back toward the door. Misty fumbled with it until she got it open. They got out of the office and made it upstairs all while kissing and groping each other. They were in the hallway and had to decide which way to go, up or down the hall. Cordelia broke the kiss this time, “Your room or mine?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Misty suddenly remembered what Zoe and Madison had said, “Wait, aren’t you with someone?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Cordelia didn’t know she knew about that. She figured one of the girls told her or she’d seen Jason leaving the time he’d come to the academy. “No. I broke up with him.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Thank God.” Misty kissed her again. “Let’s go to yours.” She didn’t want to be reminded of her time with Amanda while she was with Cordelia. She never wanted to be reminded of that again. She wondered to herself why she was dumb and cruel enough to bring her back here while Cordelia had been out with her and the other witches and had to see it. She blurted out, “I’m sorry you had to see me bring Amanda back here. I was so stupid.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Cordelia didn’t want to be reminded of it either. “Shh,” she kissed Misty and then pulled back to ask, “How many times did you have sex with her?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Three,” another kiss from Cordelia, “How about you and him?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Another kiss. “Two.”</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>At least it was just twice, </span>
  </em>
  <span>Misty thought. “Ok, that’s not so bad. You’re not mad, are you?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Cordelia kissed her again. “Not anymore.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Cordelia pulled Misty down the hall to her room. They went inside and Cordelia ended up underneath Misty on the bed. They got lost in a heavy kiss. Misty’s hand roamed up and down her torso, settling on Cordelia’s breast again. She cupped it. It was the perfect size to her. She pulled out of the kiss and brought her hand up to catch Cordelia’s chin between her thumb and index finger. “I love you.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Cordelia smiled and then Misty’s lips were on hers again gently sucking and nipping at her bottom lip. It was exactly what Cordelia wanted but she had to make sure this wasn’t a mistake. She managed to pull her mouth away and asked, “You aren’t telling me you love me to get me in bed, are you?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Misty stared her dead in the eye, “I’d never lie to you like that.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Cordelia saw honesty in her eyes, her beautiful blue eyes. “I love you too.” She smiled and her hands pulled Misty’s face back down to hers. Misty undressed her slowly between kisses. She marveled on Cordelia’s naked body and kissed the soft skin on her shoulder and collarbone. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Her lips trailed down to wrap around a nipple. She felt Cordelia pulling her dress up her body as she softly sucked. She separated from her to help Cordelia take it off. Her underwear came off right after and they were naked together like they should be. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Misty’s fingers eased inside her. <em>She’s so wet for me. </em>Misty kissed her with a groan as she started thrusting. She’d missed the way Cordelia’s body reacted to her. Cordelia’s hips moved once ever so slightly from the penetration. It drove Misty crazy. “You must have missed me,” Misty said. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>She curled her fingers so that Cordelia’s, “I did,” came out in a choked voice. Misty smiled at her, “I did too.” Her fingers got harder, faster, rocking Cordelia into the bed. Cordelia’s hands slowly smoothed down the soft skin on Misty’s back, leaving goosebumps and tingles in their wake. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Misty’s thumb rolled Cordelia’s clit, making her sweet gasps intensify into moans. She kept going until Cordelia’s body clenched onto her and she whimpered out her name as she came. “You’re so beautiful,” Misty whispered to her as she came back down. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Cordelia gently urged Misty to her back and climbed on top of her. Her lips kissed and nibbled at her neck as her fingers sank inside her. Misty held her close as she thanked herself for not waiting too long and completely ruining this. It was so strange that she didn’t realize what she had until Cordelia was gone. Now, she had her and she didn’t plan on messing it up anytime soon… not ever. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Cordelia’s fingers worked her over until she started kissing down Misty’s body. She kissed down to her clit and pulled her fingers out so she could wrap her arms around Misty’s thighs. She sucked Misty’s clit into her mouth. She was being so sweet to it that Misty couldn’t help but whimper and moan at the touch. Cordelia made her have such a strong orgasm that her back arched as she squirmed into the mattress. Her breath was heavy right after. She reached down and pulled Cordelia up into a cuddle session. </span>
</p>
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